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Self care is a buzzword that has been used for a lot of things in recent years, but essentially it is "doing things to care for your own wellbeing and mental health". Selfcare is a multifaceted term that covers all elements of our wellbeing - emotional, mental, physical, social, moral.... Alongside this, for me, self care is split into 2 categories - Short term self care & long term self care - which accounts for the care which addresses any current/ongoing issues we're facing, looks into maintaining our wellbeing, and adds in preventative forms of care too. Short-term self care I describe short-term self care as, "the little things we do for ourselves on a day-to-day basis which have an immediate positive short-term impact on our wellbeing". Short term examples: 💚 Going for a walk, a run, doing yoga, meditation, or mindfulness - exercise, especially exercise which allows time to process thoughts and emotions, can be so useful in maintaining wellbeing on multiple fronts. Even fitting in a 10minute brisk walk a day has been shown to have benefits. 💚 Having a bath or spending longer in the shower in order to relax and refresh. These can be a good way of metaphorically cleaning of the negative emotion from the previous/current day, i.e. to leave that behind, ground yourself, and focus on the current moment. 💚 Playing games, watching TV/Film, reading a book, or listening to music - i.e. spending time on your hobbies that bring you some emotional relief. 💚 Writing or journaling - Journaling/Writing are documented ways of helping to process thoughts and emotions so people often find these particularly useful when anxiety is heightened or to help collect their thoughts when stressed . 💚 Eating your favourite meal, baking, cooking, takeaway etc. - food/nutrition is also something that can have a massive health impact and emotional benefits. Of course, if you're favourite foods are heavy in sugar/fat/carbs then this form of self-care is best to be used in moderation to avoid it becoming a maladaptive way of coping causing harm. Long-term self care: Long-term self care for me is described as, "bigger more impactful forms of care which have a longer lasting impact on your wellbeing, however these can be more complex due to the nature of life". Long term examples: 💚 Reassessing your job & career as to whether it is fulfilling your needs - It can be useful to ask yourself the questions around what it is you get value out of within your life and if your job is a priority in fulfilling these needs - if so is this something you need to address and look into other forms of work (where possible) or are you able to get value & fulfilment out of other areas of life instead. 💚 Managing your physical health & nutrition by setting up long term routines or goals - it's a known fact that our physical health can have a big impact on our mental health, so it can be worth looking into nutritional changes to help alleviate any unhelpful dietary habits. 💚 Reflecting on your inner narrative to challenge how you talk to yourself (therapy is useful for this 😜) - This can be really hard work when our inner voice has been influenced and moulded by so many harmful/traumatic situations, but they way we talk to ourselves really does matter and so challenging these critical and negative voices can be so useful in the long-term. 💚 Saying 'no' to opportunities or events when you're starting to feel overwhelmed with activity - looking at your boundaries and what you're able to manage with the energy we have is vital. It can be difficult to start finding our voice when setting health boundaries but there are many ways to say no to situations. Again therapy can be helpful when looking at how to challenge this within yourself and then implementing the boundaries within your life. 💚 Taking stock of your finances - maybe you want to spend more in yourself to feel more comfortable in your environment and if affordable or maybe you want to save more to have a financial buffer. These are only a few ideas for what self-care can look like. Self care is different for everyone, it is about assessing your own needs and refilling your own wellbeing 'cup'. Further reading: https://www.verywellmind.com/self-care-strategies-overall-stress-reduction-3144729 https://www.everydayhealth.com/self-care/ https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/mental-health-problems-introduction/self-care/

Pacing wasn't something I was too aware of in the time of my life before my chronic illnesses kicked in to the degree they're at now. Before then I was overloading my plate and getting away with it, with only occasional breaks needed. However as I have gotten older and with my chronic illnesses developing - or I guess actually being more in tune with my body to notice my needs more! - pacing is something that is very much needed. Boom - Bust cycle The boom bust cycle actually comes from economics (Karl Marx) however it has now been applied to psychology and how we can live as humans. How I explain the boom-bust cycle is in terms of our energy levels and capacity, though this can then go deeper into pressures & expectations on ourselves. As the graph shows, when we have capacity/energy - a "good day" - we might feel the need to get as much done as possible. But then we'll hit a peak as we've exceeded our max capacity - this might be a pain flare up, condition flare up, mental health dip, migraine, etc. - and we then end up on a drop into the bust part of the cycle where we have no energy/capacity to do anything. Then after resting & recovering, the cycle repeats as we feel the need to catch up on the 'bad days' we've just had. The time that this cycle last might be different for everyone. It may be as volatile as every day, waking up with energy to do some tasks, overdoing it, and then needing to crash for the rest of the day. It may be that it's a monthly cycle. or a yearly cycle.... it will be individual to you. Have a think back to your last week/few months/year - does this sound familiar? So, what is "pacing"? Pacing is a process in understanding what your capacity is and working out a way to slow down so your capacity isn't overloaded. This can be done in many different ways and in a society where 'hustle culture', perfectionism, and comparing ourselves to others is rife, it can be hard to refocus purely on your own way of living and finding your own equilibrium within it all. This can be done in different ways in a process: Some people find spoon theory to be useful in understanding what their capacity is. this will be a process of working out how many spoons you actually have (make your best guess) and then how much each task takes. You might start with 12 spoons and categorise tasks into whether they use 1 spoon, 2 spoons, 3 spoons etc. Some people find timing events/tasks to see what you can manage before being at max capacity is useful. Similarly to above, this is categorising tasks, however it will be into time taken categories rather than energy used. Generally it is a good idea to pick one task to start with e.g. going for a walk. From here you would do what felt manageable being really mindful of how you're feeling before, during, and after. You would time the walk and do this each time you went for a walk in the week. Then look at the average time from the week as this will be your 'pacing time' i.e. the time that is manageable for this task. Some people might try a calendar approach by starting off with minimal tasks and building up to find their sustainable amount of events in a day/week before hitting capacity. Others might go about it in a more trial and error way. For me, personally, I looked at areas of my life and working them out in a layered way. E.g. my first priority has been work capacity. This involved working out how many clients felt manageable in a day, as well as spacing them out throughout the day for rest in between. I did this so I was under capacity, as then I've been able to layer on different areas of life like socialising, home life, looking after my dogs, housework etc. (I recognise here that I am really privileged to be able to do this with my work and have freedoms that others do not. If work isn't something that can be done in such a flexible way it's always worth looking into whether an occupational therapist visit is possible to help put reasonable adjustments in place at work.) Depending on what's going on for you, the absoluteness of how far you go with the process will be up to you. For some learning their capacity for different tasks down to brushing teeth, getting out of bed, getting dressed, showers, etc. is needed as their max capacity might be a lot lower than expected and so even the 'smallest' of tasks will take energy to a greater extent. For others capacity might be at a higher capacity and so figuring out tasks won't need to be as absolute but might be more to an extent of physical tasks taking energy e.g. housework, travelling, exercise, or mental energy e.g. reading, learning, work, or emotional e.g. social events, messaging, phone calls, etc. Or you might need to work out your capacity for a mixture of some/all of these things. It might also be that your capacity changes over time with the amount of support you have around you, with life events out of your control, with treatment options you might have. With this in mind, pacing is a fluid process which needs to have check ins with yourself and where you're at to adapt to where you are in that moment. Using a "Timetable" I was first introduced to pacing when I had CBT for pain management. The process here was to identify different tasks I fill my days with/or want to fill my days with. First off, we separated the tasks into enjoyable tasks (tasks we choose to do for pleasure), routine tasks (tasks we do daily/weekly) and necessary tasks (tasks that have to be done otherwise there is a negative consequence). Once you have these lists sorted, you would then colour code these tasks into Easy (green - tasks that don't take up much energy), Medium (yellow - tasks that are doable but take some energy), Hard (red - tasks that take a lot of energy). Then you look at sprinkling these tasks across your weekly timetable, with a mixture of enjoyable, routine, and necessary, as well as easy, medium, hard being mixed up. You would then review how you feel each day and for the week overall to look at any amendments that might need to be made. Picture below as a brief example: The cognitive change to pacing It is one thing planning and prepping how you are going to pace yourself to try and even out the boom bust cycle, but putting it into practice when you've been used to going 'full speed ahead' is difficult - it's something I still have to work on and monitor daily! We might have narratives we have grown up with - "get on with it", "keep going", "man up", "stop being so flaky"... this list goes on. Putting a schedule in place doesn't remove those narratives and so some internal work is also needed, to be able to sit with those thoughts, acknowledge the feelings that might come up alongside them, and find a way to work through them to acceptance. My BIGGEST mindset challenge has been with exercise. I have always been someone who does so many different types of exercising, I get such enjoyment, empowerment, and release from exercise, but unfortunately all the types of exercising I used to love aren't accessible to me anymore. This was a huge hit for me, it took a lot to accept this, and some days I still mourn the fact that I might never be able to do them again. So, to face a day of resting because I am depleted of energy/spoons is hard when my mind is bringing thoughts like "lets do something!!!" which I would love to do. Therapy is helping, and has helped, me get through this. It is true that we grieve our old selves, our 'healthy' selves, to then look forward at what we can do now with what's accessible for us. This is a big process in itself, so please don't be hard on yourself if you still have moments of slipping back into the boom-bust cycle, it happens, but take each day as it comes and offer yourself compassion. Whilst you're building your pacing timetable or getting an idea of how much energy different tasks use, be mindful on what's coming up for you and any thoughts that follow too. Maybe you get caught up in the moment because it feels good to be doing something you enjoy, or you just want to feel 'normal' again, or you don't want to 'fail yourself' by doing less than you would have done before. Those thoughts are important to recognise so you can explore them and work through them. Is pacing giving up on myself? I had this fear. That slowing down so much would mean I was giving up on myself, when in reality you are being compassionate and offering yourself support where you're struggling. A boom-bust cycle is only sustainable for so long before burn out or your body catches up to you. Pacing is a proactive way to look after yourself in the long run. It might feel like giving up because of the ableism in our society, but accepting you need to take more time for yourself isn't a failure, it's a success in looking after yourself. Of course, there will be extremes on the opposite end of getting into thoughts where everything feels too hard to do, in these instances it is about using pacing to increase your activity levels in a controlled way. This might be starting with 1 minute of stretches a day for a week, then going up to 2 minutes for a week until you get to 15 minutes. Recommendations: Get some support in place for yourself through this process as it can be mentally and emotionally draining Take your time. My need to have things done and in place tried to take over with pacing; ironically, pacing the process when looking at pacing your life is needed. Therapy helped me with having someone guide me through it, challenge my thought patterns, explore the feelings, and look forward at what I had already done for myself (you'd be surprised how much this last bit gets overlooked). Explain what you are doing to those around you - obviously where you feel comfortable to - but it can be helpful so others are on the same page with you. You can still have fun, this process isn't meant to strip the joy from life, rather it's meant to help you find a way to live life to YOUR fullest, meeting you where you're at with your needs and health. i.e. I've learnt that if I want to go to a gig, or have a social day, I probably need to take some time to myself to allow rest and regrouping afterwards. The takeaways: Understand what pacing means for you - spoon theory? timings? energy ratings? capacity? etc. Figure out how pacing can work for you in your timetable Be mindful of your thought processes and narratives that come up for you in the process Try to offer yourself compassion in the process - it's not easy! Pacing is proactive and can be used to increase activity in a controlled way over time. You're allowed to take time for yourself. Resting and restoring your energy and wellbeing is important, as are you!

You might be asking yourself "what is email therapy?" and "how does it work?". This blog post will go through all of this from start to finish - this is how I have set up my own practice, other people may have a different way of working so it is always good to check this out. What is email therapy? Email therapy is a form of written text based therapy. It is asynchronous in its delivery which means that there is a time delay in sending your email with what you're looking to explore and then receiving your therapists response. Email therapy has many pros and cons, similar to other types of therapy: Pros Cons Flexibility - allowing for time to write the email before the "deadline" so can fit around changeable commitments rather than leading to cancelations or needing to postpone. This is particularly useful for those with shift work or those of use with disabilities or chronic illnesses that may be unpredictable in how they impact us on a day to day basis. No immediate response - if you're in a moment of distress with a situation you won't be in your therapists presence to guide you through that in the moment, but instead will have to wait. Time to reflect and form a response - you will get your therapists email and have time to reflect on the words before writing your next sessions content. This can be useful for neurodivergent or anxious individuals who might want to take time over their choice of words. This can be a negative for some people. May not feel comfortable or safe - As above, you may be left with some difficult feelings to navigate with only written text rather than the physical or vocal presence of someone which can feel unsafe or uncomfortable for some people. Doesn't rely on physical appearance or vocal cues - there is an element of anonymity with email therapy where you do not need to rely or be perceived by your physical and vocal facets, e.g. for trans individuals with dysphoria this can be liberating to not have to present in any type of way but instead just focus on the words they want to express themselves. Word limit might feel constrictive - most therapists will have a word limit on emails to allow for enough time to process and reflect. We will still allocate our time to these sessions akin to video, phone, or face-to-face. And so the word limit allows for a therapist and client to keep some time boundary on the sessions. Chance for equal exchanges - Due to the exchange being email where client will send and therapist will respond, there is a much more equal chance of response, whereas with video, phone, or face-to-face therapy there can be a risk of the client or therapist taking up majority of the space to talk. Can be miscommunications in reference to tone and meaning - as with any text based communication, tone and meaning tends to be inferred and this can lead to misunderstanding and miscommunication. This absolutely can be worked through in sessions, but it needs both therapist and client to be able to keep this awareness when reading, reflecting, and replying. How does it work practically? Your therapist will have their own way of working and will hopefully outline this in a contract or with some form of guidance. But the basics are: You will set up a secure email address to use for your therapy exchanges - your therapist will also have theirs set up. You will then have a day & time for each week to send your email by. You can write the email at any time in the space between your day/time and your therapists last response, but you send your email by the agreed day/time. If you don't manage to send your email in time, this would be a missed session, and your therapist may not reply to you due to having time allocated for other clients and downtime. My process is to manage this on a case by case basis. If you go over your word limit, your therapist may only respond to what they are able to in their allocated time. My word limit for emails is 750 words as on average, with reflection, this will fill a 50 min time slot similar to my other video and phone clients. Your therapist will then outline when they will send their reply - my framework is within 48 working hours of your set day & time. If you're unable to take time for a session in a week then you should still email your therapist to let them know you won't "make" the session that week. I still have expectations outlined around being in a quiet and confidential space for when you are reading and replying to emails, confidentiality still being respected, what happens in terms of late/missed sessions, when payments are to be made by etc. and so I still require potential clients to have a consultation with myself to go through the contract, what they're looking for from therapy, and if they have any questions. I do offer these through a one-off video/phone consultation or it can be done via the chat function in the Google Meet session so that we are talking in immediate responses. How does it end? I ask for 2 weeks notice for sessions to end regardless of the medium we are meeting in. I do this as it gives us a chance to round off the work we have been doing and allow a chance for a positive ending experience (hopefully!). Summary Email therapy hasn't had a massive amount of research done into it yet as with other modes of e-therapy, they are in their infancy. However, the research that has taken place has found that email therapy can be just as effective in creating a therapeutic relationship and having positive outcomes in therapy as face-to-face therapy. It can allow a safe space for clients to write out their emotions, feelings, experiences, and situations they have gone through and are going through, it allows clients to feel heard and build a therapeutic relationship with the therapist too. My Experience: I have worked with many organisations in text-based support. A lot of the time this has been live text based support where there is chance for immediate responses. I joined the Samaritan' s as a Listening Volunteer back in my first year of University which gave me intense training and experience in phone call support but also email support, which was asynchronous support. I later had the honour of working with The Mix , in their Counselling Team where I offered therapy via phone call and live text based support, where I was able to build therapeutic relationships with individuals offering a fairly solution focused approach within 4-8 sessions. I also worked with GriefChat and BIMM offering live text based support on a one-off basis, dealing with immediate distress and situations. So how can I help? All of this work has given me experience in building therapeutic relationships with individuals via written text, to hold a safe space for you as the client to share, explore, process, and reflect on what's going on for you. It can be amazing at how quickly text based support feels safe and gives the ability to put into words something you don't feel able to say out loud. You are able to take your time in typing out what is going on for you, in a process of bringing the internal, from your head, through your body to the external, in typing the words out and sending them off. As mentioned above in the post this can be especially helpful for individuals struggling to present a certain way, and so it can take the pressure off your physical expression and allow focus to the situation and feelings. I work with identity mostly - this means I am GSRD (Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diversity) affirming, fat-affirming, Neurodivergence affirming, and disability & chronic illness affirming too. I want to work with YOU, you as a whole on who you are in this world, the relationship to your self, and then how this influences your experience in this life. You can find out more about me and how I work via the highlighted links. Thinking of trying it? See if I have availability here: You can also check out my FAQ's and If you're still left with questions get in touch with me via info@emilyduffytherapy.co.uk

Emily Duffy Therapy I offer one-to-one online counselling sessions for residents of the UK. Majority of my work revolves around identity and exploring who you are as a person, whether that's within your 'self' (e.g. sexuality, gender, neurodiversity, mental health etc.) or who you are within your outside world (e.g. relationships, within your job, after losing someone close to you etc.) Brief Overview: About Me I have professional and lived experience in my areas of work Qualifications I am Qualified Integrative Therapist (L7 PGDip) How I work I work with informed consent & collaboratively with you Fees My guide fee is £60 for a 50minute session Resources Guides for Clients & Therapists in Private Practice Signposting Websites for further support Courses Beginners guide & CPD around non-monogamy Blog Covers all kinds of topics related to mental health & therapy Still have questions? Check out my FAQ's or contact me on the details below. Email me at - info@emilyduffytherapy.co.uk or Leave me a voicemail** or WhatsApp me on - +44 (0)7508387585 **Note - I will only return your call if you leave a voicemail. If you don't leave a voicemail I will not return contact. Emily Duffy Therapy is located in Waltham Cross, Herts, England Leave a voicemail WhatsApp me Email me Ready to book in? Click here. Home: Contact Check out my Instagram

How I work As an integrative/pluralistic therapist I adapt my way of working to your individual preferences in a collaborative and consent-led way. I believe you are the expert of yourself, and so, we will talk about what it is you would like to get out of counselling and look at ways we can do this; the approaches and methods used will be used to account for intersectionality, without pathologising you i.e. I work with YOU in a holistic way. My core way of working is co-creating a safe, compassionate, affirming, and non-judgemental space through person centred counselling and it's core conditions, which are to hold you with unconditional positive regard, empathy, and congruence. Safety is a big part of my work, and I will work with you to create a space you feel safe in and allow stability in exploring what you need to. From here I layer on tools and techniques from other approaches such as gestalt ways of working (metaphors, 'here & now' work, somatic exploration/body work), ways of working from MBCT/SFT/CBT (using mindfulness techniques to explore our ways of thinking, looking at how this can be different, and how this can then impact our behaviour/emotions), and CFT/ACT (looking at our internal narrative, how we can be more compassionate and accepting to ourselves). Check out my about me and qualifications if you'd like to know more. Depending on what it is you're wanting to explore, how long we work together, and your preferences, will depend on the techniques used in our sessions. If you are considering short term work with myself then we will look at the most pressing issue you would like to focus on, whereas longer term work will allow more breadth of work. In whichever scenario we will have a 45 minute session at a discounted price for a consultation; this is for me to understand what you are coming to counselling for, to go through my counselling contract, for you to ask any questions you may have, and for you to assess if you would like to continue with myself going forward. All of my sessions are on a one-to-one basis, for residents of the UK only, and currently I am only offering remote sessions via Google Meet, Phone Call or Email. Fees: The initial assessment will be £30 for up to 45 minutes over the phone or Google Meet For email sessions this can be done via Google Meet chat function with camera and mic off My guide fee for ongoing 50 minute sessions is £60 unless otherwise agreed*. *If you feel you are unable to afford this we can discuss low cost options in our consultation. Book a Consultation Questions?

About Me: About Me Emily Duffy (She/Her) MNCPS (accredited) Membership type: Accredited Membership number: NCS20-02120 About Me & My Experience I am a multiamory/non-monogamy, queer, neurodivergent (ND), chronic illness, and fat affirming therapist who has involvement in these communities. Since studying my A-level in Psychology, I have always had a curiosity with relationships and how we as humans interact with each other. As a queer, ambiamorous, suspected ND woman who has chronic illnesses, the curiosity was bolstered by my own experiences and hardships in life. Counselling offered me a chance to work through things that I hadn't yet processed, to explore my identity, manage my "symptoms", and begin to look forward to my future. Life throws many surprises at us, and while we cannot predict the outcome of any situation, we can take control of how we respond to certain situations. I believe that we are the experts of our own lives and identities, and as your therapist I am here to understand, explore, and affirm who you are within our work. Over the past 5 years, I have worked with a range of clients in my Private Practice, The Mix, Grief Chat, and Humankind Charity, alongside 12 years of working in pastoral support roles for different education providers in FE and HE. I have also volunteered over my working life as a Listening Volunteer with the Samaritan's and as a Befriender with Age UK. I have continued my training since qualifying in topics such as Gender Diversity, Trauma, CBT for anxiety, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, supporting the bereaved, amongst others. Other qualifications are here. Want to know more? Check out how I work & fees. What I work with: Lived Experience = * Professional Experience = + Anxiety *+ Depression *+ Mental Health *+ Sexuality *+ Gender + Non-monogamy *+ Learning Self-Compassion & "Inner Narrative" Self-Talk *+ Chronic Illness & Disability *+ Neurodivergence + Bereavement, Grief, and Loss *+ N.B. Whilst I do not specialise in trauma work I have done training around working with trauma in an informed way and I embody this through all my work. Book in with me here

A 45 minute consultation to talk about what you want out of therapy, the counselling agreement, and any questions you might have.