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Search Results All (81) Blog Posts (26) Products (6) Other Pages (14) Services (1) Programs (34) 81 items found for "" Blog Posts (26) Finding the 'right' therapist for you I did a post around what approach you might want to consider , however now I feel it's time to address the actual person sitting with you as the therapist. The process of finding the 'right' therapist for you is detailed below and mostly relates to searching for a therapist in private practice. Generally, going through the NHS or charities may mean you don't have as much choice with who you're lined up with - though you always have the right to ask for someone else if you're uncomfortable in any way! I've had this talk often with people from different areas of my life, around how to choose your therapist, and I don't think there's an easy answer, however there are a few things that you can take into consideration when looking for a therapist/counsellor/psychotherapist. The searching process Searching for a therapist is difficult within itself when you're feeling in a vulnerable or overwhelmed state especially when there are so many places you could look and when it isn't a regulated profession. Counsellors Together UK have put together this useful document explaining how best to find a therapist who is qualified, trained, and being held to standards according to the Professional Standards Authority to keep yourself as safe as possible. The main thing to look for is that your counsellor is qualified and has done training. It is not a requirement to be part of a professional body, however if a therapist is a member of one this means they have had to complete a certain amount of training and gain experience to be part of the body. From here most research has found that the relationship with your therapist is the most important thing for a positive outcome in therapy, so finding someone who you feel comfortable with, able to disclose your vulnerabilities, and someone you trust is important, but this does mean that the search for a therapist can be tricky! It can be worth having a few people you want to contact as you may not always get in with your 'first choice' due to availability, finances, their preferences/experiences for working, and other reasons. If you don't manage to start working with your initial choice please don't take this as a personal knock - there will be someone out there that you can find to work with you and fit; it is difficult and it can feel overwhelming, but you are not alone in this and many therapists will offer details of colleagues they think might be suitable or have availability (don't be afraid to ask on this either!). My advice would be to think about what you want from a therapist before your search to make it a little easier i.e., are you looking for a friendly face? does age matter? does gender matter to you? is the language someone uses/ the way someone talks important? Then ask yourself why these things matter to you and are you willing to push out of your comfort zones or are they a need? From here you can get a sense of what some keywords you want to filter your search out with might be whether this is how the therapist works or what you're looking to work on e.g. anxiety, depression, PTSD, LGBTQ, ENM etc. The assessment/consultation/initial talk: As I explain in my FAQ's - "The consultation gives us chance to talk through what it is you would want from counselling and look at our expectations. We will go through our contract with each other and look at if we feel comfortable to work with each other going forward. The relationship within counselling is important for effective counselling to take place. The consultation is an opportunity to get a sense of if I am someone you feel you will be able to trust and work alongside you in your journey." When someone contacts myself, I will book in a consultation (described below) and outline what's involved in that. I also send over my contract in advance so that prospective clients get a better understanding of what my expectations are going forward. I also go through this contract in the consultation to make sure any questions or concerns are addressed. However, this is how I do my consultations and other therapists might have a different approach; the main thing to be aware of is that we are wanting to gain an understanding of what it is you're looking for from us as well as what you're wanting to explore. Saying all of this - consultations/assessments/initial contact is also for you, you are the one looking for a therapist that you want to connect to and so this is your time to check out things you have in mind such as: What's their experience? - Maybe you're wanting to look at a complex disorder that you feel needs experience behind it, maybe you're happy with someone newly qualified for general support in life, maybe it's somewhere in the middle. This question is useful to gauge how comfortable you might feel down the line with your counsellor. How do they work? what's their process and approach? - I outline my approach here , but you may not have this information readily available so it is always a good idea to ask how your therapist might work with you in general terms and even how they might work with you in relation to what you're bringing. It can also be useful to then look at how sessions might work i.e., how long are they, are they the same time each week or is there flexibility, how much do they charge and is there any negotiating around that, is there a certain structure to the sessions, what would ending sessions look like etc. Anything in the contracting you're unsure of? - do you have any questions about what is expected of you or your therapist. Have they covered what they'd do in a safeguarding situation? Have they talked about confidentiality and cancellations? Any concerns you may have about therapy in general or that's come up in the session? - If you've had therapy before maybe you have an idea of what you don't want from the therapist now this is a chance to talk about this and check this out. Maybe you've not had therapy before and so you have concerns around what it might be like in terms of emotions, feelings, talking things through... this is also a good chance to voice this and look at how your therapist might support you through the difficult emotions. Their experience of personal therapy - this is often a course requirement when training but not always, so it may be important to you that your therapist understands what it's like to be sat in the client’s chair and experience the vulnerability that comes with it. and whatever else may come to mind for you.... These posts also outline things to think about when talking to your therapist initially: https://lgbtcouplecounselling.co.uk/faq/how-to-choose-your-counsellor/ https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/talking-therapy-and-counselling/what-happens-in-therapy/ So how do you know who's 'right' for you? Back to the question at hand, how do you know who's right for you?.... well, unfortunately that's only really something that you'll be able to notice for yourself, but I will leave you with some closing points that might be helpful in your search. Some people might look for someone who has the same experiences as themselves as they feel this will be more relatable and comfortable, whilst this can be true, therapist try not to assume what your lived experience is i.e. you've been through bullying and so want a counsellor who has also been through bullying to feel comfortable, although you've been through the same situation your experience of the situation may be completely different. Maybe you didn't have any other support around you, you were depressed, maybe you harmed yourself, amongst other things leading to an overwhelmingly negative experience. But then your counsellor was able to find support in the situation and work through the trauma at the time resolving a lot of the negative experience allowing them to cope in a more manageable way. Relatability is amazing, it can help with empathy and understanding, but too much similarity can bring on assumed experience that may be harmful down the line as it's not your lived experience. Take some time after your initial meeting to reflect on the situation and assess how you're left feeling. Try noting it down by freewriting your thoughts and feelings, come back to this in a few hours/the next day, and see if those thoughts and feelings still sit the same. This can be a great indicator into how you might feel after your sessions. Listen to your body! Knowing about how sessions would end is a good thing to know. Personally, I ask for 2 weeks’ notice (2 sessions) to round off the work and experience a managed ending in a way that might not have always been possible in life before which is great for mid-long-term work. Alternatively, if someone isn't too sure on therapy being for them, I do suggest that 6 sessions be the minimum to allow for some of the process to take place. My point? if you don't feel comfortable in the first few sessions listen to what is going on for you, what is it that feels uncomfortable? If possible, it's good to talk to the therapist about this in the next session as sometimes working through that can be an amazing piece of work too. If you're still feeling uncomfortable and nothing is resolved, then it is worth reassessing if this therapist is 'right for you'. Finally, if you're comfortable with your therapist but still unsure if they're 'right for you' after everything, could it be that someone is right 'for now'? Maybe they have the experience, qualifications, general demeanour you're looking for and you feel you can get on with them for what you're bringing to therapy - it could be that they're the right person for that specific thing, but then you can move onto someone else further down the line. I have had clients who I've worked with for a few months where I have held them where they are, looking at day to day management which they found helpful, however they then wanted to investigate a diagnosis and ongoing specific treatment that they felt would be better found elsewhere or through a service - this is absolutely your right to do! I hope you've found this article useful and do get in touch if you have questions or want to look into sessions. Directories that may be useful in your search: Free/low cost therapists - https://freepsychotherapynetwork.com/find-an-therapist/ GSRD Therapists - http://www.pinktherapy.com/en-gb/findatherapist.aspx Gendered Intelligence directory - https://genderedintelligence.co.uk/professionals/therapists-and-counsellors/directory.html Therapy for Black Girls - https://providers.therapyforblackgirls.com/ National Counselling Society - https://nationalcounsellingsociety.org/counselling-directory BACP - https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists Counselling Directory - https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/ Psychology Today - https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling The approaches of therapy There are so many different types of therapy that you can choose from in the private practice world and from some services provided from organisations. I have created a flowchart allowing you to get an idea of what type of approach might suit you, but do bear in mind there are many other approaches to what I have outlined here and it is best to use this flow chart with an idea of what you would want to go to therapy for. When you get to slide 4 ("taking a closer look") you are able to click on the answer that suits you to jump to the correct section. Last few slides text in case you missed them... There are so many different approaches to counselling - to make this I used https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-therapy/ to give an overview of a few of the most common forms of counselling in the UK. As said at the beginning this is just a loose guide to what approach may suit you depending on your preferences, however the most important factor that has been found by many studies is the relationship you have with the therapist you have. My approach, you ask? I am an integrative therapist which means I combine a couple of different approaches to suit the issues you bring as a client and how you work. My approach involves a lot of collaboration with you and exploring what you want to get out of the sessions with managed expectations. I use person centred core conditions as my base which is to hold the client in a space with empathy, unconditional positive regard and congruence. I also follow the guidance of Egan’s skilled helper model - you can find a description of this here - this allows for exploration of what’s going on for you, to look at what could be different and challenging these processes, to how you can make change going forward. If you have any questions around this feel free to get in touch with me. Remember as the client you have the right to choose your therapist, if you feel your therapist isn’t the right fit for you talk to them about it and talk through your options, it may be something that you can resolve in the sessions. I hope this helps! Understanding ethical/consensual non-monogamous relationships Before going into this post, I think it's important to acknowledge that if a relationship is between consenting adults, then it is valid in whatever form that takes. This post isn't to say that monogamy or ethical/consensual non-monogamy are right or wrong in whatever way but is about gaining an understanding of the different types of ENM relationships there are and supporting those who are curious. What is Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)? Ethical Non-Monogamy (or Consensual Non-Monogamy) is an umbrella term to cover all different relationship types that don't conform to westernised monogamous relationship style i.e., relationships can be between multiple people to varying degrees, rather than being an exclusive couple (2 people in a relationship with only each other). Types of ethical non monogamous relationships: Open relationships - where a relationship has the guideline that dating, sexual contact, and/or romantic contact can happen outside of the primary relationship i.e., being open to other relationships. This can be true of one or all individuals in the relationship e.g., one person may be monogamous, but the other is polyamorous and open to other partners. Swinging - Where people in a relationship are primarily open to sexual experiences through parties, events, or exchanging partners with another couple. Swinging is often planned and seen as event based rather than being open all the time. Relationship anarchy - where there are no set guidelines on what the relationship is other than what is agreed between each partner. Taking the relationships out of the set constructs allowing there to be no expectations of what the relationship will be/where it will go. Polyamory - being open to having multiple relationships at the same time. This can be where there is no set hierarchy, or it can be where couples have a primary relationship which they date outside of. Polyamorous relationships can also be a mix of romantic or sexual relationships. Polyfidelity - where members in a polyamorous relationship will not date, have romantic partners or sexual partners outside of the members in the current relationship e.g., three people in a relationship making a triad and being committed solely to each other. Monogamish - where a monogamous couple will occasionally open their relationship under certain circumstances as agreed with each other. E.g. 'hall pass' idea, going to a sex club together etc. Myths about ENM relationships: "ENM is just an excuse to cheat" - this is one of the common myths that comes up when talking about most ENM relationships. There's a significant difference between polyamory and cheating... Cheating is a deception and break in trust between partners which can happen in any type of relationship. Polyamory is agreed relationships between partners which is open and honest, and where boundaries are respected. Cheating can still happen in Polyamorous relationships when someone is dishonest about their actions or hide relationships. Cheating will be classed as different things in different relationships as it's dependant on the boundaries you feel outline your relationship e.g. for some watching porn alone is considered cheating whereas for others this is okay within their relationship. "ENM is just people addicted to sex" - is actually really offensive and very presumptuous. Just because someone has multiple partners doesn't necessarily mean they are having sexual relations with all of them. Relationships in ENM can be purely romantic in a non-sexual form. This myth can be dismissive of individuals on the ace spectrum who may not want sexual relationships. "Told you it wouldn't work" or "it's not sustainable" - This isn't helpful to tell anyone let alone it be true. Just think of how many marriages end in divorce, or how many relationships break up. Just because someone is in more than one relationship doesn't necessarily mean it won't work for any other reason than in monogamous relationships. "You're just filling a void", "one partner is all you need", or "you're just with the wrong person" - again these are very misguided comments made to individuals in ENM relationships. We all have different needs; however we are responsible for our own needs. If someone meets them that's amazing, but it is not their responsibility! As Esther Perel has once said - "Marriage was an economic institution in which you were given a partnership for life in terms of children and social status and succession and companionship. But now we want our partner to still give us all these things, but in addition I want you to be my best friend and my trusted confidant and my passionate lover to boot, and we live twice as long. So, we come to one person, and we basically are asking them to give us what once an entire village used to provide." More likely to contract STDs - This is actually quite the opposite for individuals who are conscientious about their own health and their partners. Many individuals in ENM relationships will have frequent STD checks as well as using contraception to minimise risk where possible. As with monogamy and the initial phases of dating, this is a very individual thing and will depend on the person you are dating. Engaging in ENM means you don't value anyone or is a form of avoiding intimacy i.e. "you're just bored", "so you can't commit to X then?" - If anything, engaging in ENM is an expansion of intimacy and commitment to multiple people. Having more than one relationship doesn't take away from the other relationship, it is just a parallel relationship. Each relationship will differ between each individual, there will be different needs, expectations, and boundaries for the relationships. ENM relationships take ALOT of communication (& scheduling) to make sure everyone involved is happy with the relationship and where it's going. There will always be people who don't hold value to others regardless of being in a monogamous relationship or in an ENM relationship. The obstacles and difficulties you may face with ENM? Jealousy - Understandably jealousy is a massive factor in why a lot of people don't explore ENM relationships even if they're curious. It is seen as an awful or 'wrong' emotion to have; however, jealousy is a chance to look inward and assess what is going on for you. Quite often jealousy is fear and comparison based e.g. "what if they love X more than me?", "What if they leave me for X?", "they're out having fun and I'm stuck here" etc. Jealousy is a completely natural & human emotion which is trying to tell us something that we need to take note of - maybe you're feeling like your needs aren't being met - if so it's a chance to reflect on what it is you do need and how you can overcome that. Opening up from a monogamous relationship - this can be a real challenge and some people find it to feel quite threatening even though they want to be ENM. There is a lot to navigate and will bring up a lot of emotions (not all bad). As with jealousy, you may feel upset, elated, joyous, angry, anxious, excited, invigorated, scared etc. all of which have their place and will help guide you in the process to work out your boundaries and what you are comfortable with. The fantasy of ENM doesn't always match the reality so it is good to try and manage your expectations from the start and really talk with your partner about how it might look and what you're feeling at each step. Some people find having relationship counselling or individual counselling at this stage really useful as opening up a relationship does take a lot of talking and internal reflection as well as communication with your partner on where you both stand. Rejection from support network - A big thing I deal with, with clients, and that I hear a lot of in the community is "I can't tell my family/friends about this as they will reject me or won't understand". This is a very individual and personal experience; we can never predict how someone is going to react to what we tell them so we need to look at what we can control. It is worth thinking about what you want out of your life and then whether this feels achievable. Whatever your relationship looks like, you need to consider what is right for you within that. There are many people who are completely open with being in ENM relationships, on the same spin there are many who only tell a select few about their relationships for fear of judgement and to protect themselves but this works for them, so long as you're open with your partner about where you stand on this! Dating - Dating is a big draw back for many people as they may have had a bad experience in the past. Dating can feel daunting at the best of times, let alone when you're putting yourself out there as someone who is in ENM relationship(s). There are plenty of success stories though from dating sites when disclosing your relationship status (Okay Cupid being one of the better ones currently). Similarly, to the above, it's worth thinking about what you want out of dating people, if you have the time, and if you want to be on dating sites. Stereotypes & misunderstanding in dating - There can be unfortunate misunderstandings within ENM dating - I've heard of people connecting with someone on a dating app and meeting only to be told they don't want anything other than a monogamous relationship - even though ENM was highlighted in their dating profile. It can be difficult for people disclosing both their sexuality and ENM status on dating sites (and in general) e.g. bi men will often be stereotyped as wanting to cheat on their partner, bi women can often be targeted by couples wanting a threesome etc. Unicorn hunting - This is very much frowned upon in the polyam community as it can be done in a harmful way. Unicorn hunting is where a couple is looking for a third person to join their relationship in a sexual way. Now, this can be done in an ethical & boundaried way where all people involved have a say and are treated equally, however there are also a lot of couples that do this whereby they are looking for essentially a 'sex object' where the third's feelings/wants/needs aren't considered, and this is where the community has an issue. Communication & boundaries - All relationships need to have communication in order to function at a base level. When looking at ENM relationships and communication this is so important to make sure everyone involved are on the same page, aware of their expectations, needs, boundaries, wants etc. Communication in this way isn't a one and done thing, it is a constant ongoing process that takes time, energy and attention. It will also need revisiting often in terms of boundaries where more partners are added to the relationships. Energy levels - it can be a case of jumping all in when starting ENM relationships, so it's good to take a step back and check in with yourself where your energy levels are and how much you can dedicate to another person. Within polyamory there is a term of being 'polysaturated' and this is where you have reached your limit of how many partners you can dedicate time and energy to. This will vary for each person, and it can even be true for those that are single as maybe you're dealing with a lot outside of relationships that is taking most of your energy! Being a 'newbie' within the community - A difficult and frustrating thing that can be found is a resistance from 'veteran'/'experienced' ENM individuals when looking to date or even offer guidance on relationships. This can be quite isolating and off-putting to a lot of people who are curious about ENM but not sure how to navigate it all. To any experienced ENM individuals out there reading this & who have the energy to do so, please try and include newbies into discussions and the community - you may just learn something from them too. Reminding everyone that ALL relationships are different, and just because you're new to having multiple relationships or an open relationship to some extent doesn't mean that you don't have an idea of what is involved or what is expected of you. Everyone's experiences are valid and hold meaning. Societal stigma - There is a negative stigma attached to non-monogamy in westernised societies due to the myths & stereotyping mentioned before. Stigma can unfortunately cause feelings of shame in those of us who hold value in others' opinions, so this is a big thing to take into consideration as it can bring up some difficult conversations and reflection on your self-worth and self-view. There is a societal view that a 'successful' relationship ends in marriage (of which our society sees as a pairing of 2 people) so it can take a lot to 'go against' this quite traditional standpoint especially if you don't know anyone else in an ENM relationship. It’s likely that this mislabelling of non-monogamous individuals comes from a lack of understanding of how these relationships function, as clearly, there is no basis for it." From - https://www.attachmentproject.com/enm/ Roots of ENM & roots of Monogamy? There is still so much ongoing research around past societies, how monogamy came about and where ENM fit within all of it too. It seems like for as long as there has been some form of monogamous standing in society there has also been ENM standing too. There are many theories as to why monogamy has become the 'norm' in our society, especially over the last 1000 years; this is a lot to do with economic advantages, religious influence, as well as procreation and offspring upbringing. There is also a heavy influence from romantic views, in modern society, that we have 'one true love', our 'other half', our 'soul mate' being out there and that our life is not complete without finding that person. This way of being is put on us from the very beginning of life with stories, movies, TV shows, and books; yet if we were to lose our partner, for whatever reason, many go on to find another partner and fall in love again. Recent studies have found that 1 in 5 people have experienced an ENM relationship at some point in their life and so it is clear that there is some draw to ENM relationships. This video explains it all really well and gives a broad overview of ENM in history - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgOZ4eNFWnQ However, asking the question whether monogamy/ENM relationships are 'natural' or 'normal' is complicated in itself as who is to say what is normal for all of humanity? More articles around the evolution of relationships/partner structures: https://getmaude.com/blogs/themaudern/brief-history-non-monogamy https://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2015/may/19/equality-and-polyamory-why-early-humans-werent-the-flintstones https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fevo.2019.00230/full Advice from the polyam community for those wanting to try an ENM relationship? "ENM for me is about not placing arbitrary restrictions on people I'm in a relationship with. Knowing that the quality of my relationship is not impacted by their other relationships. We have multiple friends, why not more than one intimate partner?" "Education! Read books, join help groups, talk to people with experience. Remember that a relationship can be whatever the people in the relationship chose it to be. So it's imperative that there's clear and constant communication." "I found having a supportive community around me of people in ENM relationships was super helpful, to be able to draw off of others' experiences, and understand more about how other people's relationships work." "It's not always an easy process, but each interaction is a chance to learn more about your current relationship and yourself. I you're willing to work through feelings that comes up and are patient with yourself, and your partners, ENM can be rewarding; but also know it's okay if doesn't work out for you" My advice: Do some reading around to get an informed view of what it is you're going into and think about what your boundaries might be. Reflect on what it is you're wanting and whys - what are you hoping to get out of it? what does it mean for you? why do you want to explore ENM? Why now? Take some time to look at yourself, how you express your emotions, and how you communicate - you will need to be able to do this for any relationship - and so it's important to get to grips with being open in this way. Weigh up your pros and cons (these will be different for everybody) for opening up to ENM relationships. Pros for ENM might be: 'compersion', freedom to live your life in the way you want, building the trust in relationships, feeling more fulfilled. Cons might be: Takes up time to schedule, takes up energy to communicate with multiple partners, jealousy, stigma, logistics of living & upbringing of children etc. Only you will know what feels right for you in your relationship. When bringing up ENM when in a monogamous relationship - have an idea of why you're bringing it up and what you want out of it, make sure to create a space where you listen to their side too. It is never going to be an easy conversation but as mentioned before we can't predict or control someone else's reactions. It might be worth writing down what it is you want to say and express, what it means for you, what you want out of it, offer reassurance if you're hoping to continue your current relationship, address ideas around boundaries and leave space for them to talk to. It will often be the case that this conversation is something you come back to a few times (and frequently after that) to allow for internal processing once you have an idea of how your partner has reacted and what it means to them. Be aware that you may be met with anger as it may feel like you're saying that they can't fulfil your needs, they're not good enough for you, you want someone else etc. so try to address this too and allow space for your partner to express their feelings around this (hopefully in a constructive way). On the flip side, if you're the monogamous person and your partner comes to you it can be really difficult to not feel anxious and sometimes threatened in the relationship. Try to find reassurance in that they are comfortable enough and feel safe to come to you with this information and express their feelings in this way. It is not an easy situation - forgive yourself for any feelings that may arise and if you need space to process it all, do say that you need that. As above, take some time to reflect on it all, how you feel with it, if it's something you would want for yourself, would you want to open the relationship up fully, would you be comfortable staying a monogamous partner whilst they open up their side, maybe this relationship isn't something you can continue and you would only feel comfortable in an exclusively monogamous relationship. Try not to write your partner off straight away, take some time to talk it through again and get mutual understanding on what you both feel is doable within your boundaries/wants/expectations and take it from there. It might be an idea to look into relationship counselling if you're both unsure of how to navigate the conversation but want to make the relationship work for you both, where possible (do check your counsellor is ENM inclusive). A relationship counsellor will be able to be an impartial voice, a safe space to talk your thoughts and feelings through, and may be able to offer some light guidance through reflection. If you only take one thing away from this post, let it be this: whatever structure of relationship you are in is valid providing it's consensual between all involved. Monogamy isn't for everyone, and neither is ENM; If we do only get this one life to live, try to live it for you and what you want out of it. Want to delve into this deeper check out my Beginners Guide to Non-Monogamy. Are you a Therapist, Counsellor, Psychotherapist, or Mental Health Professional and want to know more about working with Non-Monogamous Clients? Check out my online CPD course - here Further Resources: Websites: https://www.morethantwo.com/polyglossary.html https://medium.com/polyamory-today https://poly.land/categories/start-here/ https://polypirat.es/explain/enm/ Books: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Polyamory-Relationships/dp/0399579664 - also on audible https://www.amazon.co.uk/Polysecure-Attachment-Trauma-Consensual-Nonmonogamy/dp/1944934987 - also on audible Podcasts: http://polyweekly.com/ https://www.normalizingnonmonogamy.com/ https://lovingwithoutboundaries.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chillpolyamory/ https://www.instagram.com/polypages/ https://www.instagram.com/polyamory_awareness/ https://www.instagram.com/polyamory_awareness/ https://www.instagram.com/polyamproud/ https://www.instagram.com/polyamfam/ https://www.instagram.com/polyamcomix/ https://www.instagram.com/polyamorousplatypus/ https://www.instagram.com/thepolyamoroustherapist/ Communities: I am hesitant to recommend any as many are big groups and so each persons experience of them will be different but some ideas of places to look that others have found useful: - Search "polyamory" on Facebook for groups you can join. - Reddit has many different subreddits around non-monogamy: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/ https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/ https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/ - Try looking on meetup for in person non monogamy groups: https://www.meetup.com/topics/polyamory/ - Discord is a wonderful online community space with many servers available to join: https://disboard.org/servers/tag/polyamory View All Products (6) Beginners Guide to Non-Monogamy £10.00 Add to Cart Logging Spreadsheet £5.00 Add to Cart BUNDLE - Guide & Spreadsheet £20.00 Add to Cart View All Other Pages (14) FAQs | Emily Duffy Therapy What is Counselling? Counselling is an empathetic, non-judgemental, and safe space in which you can explore any emotions, feelings, situations, or thoughts that are prominent in your life. ​ As your therapist, I am here to help bring new perspectives to situations you may be facing in order to help you to help yourself. Counselling can help with developing ways of coping going forward, look at changing patterns in life, look at managing your boundaries in relation to other relationships, but ultimately is a self-development journey. ​ I once got told "therapy is an investment in yourself", where you have 50 minutes set aside purely for yourself each week. What is a Consultation? The consultation gives us chance to talk through what it is you would want from counselling and look at our expectations. We will go through our contract with each other and look at if we feel comfortable to work with each other going forward. ​ The relationship within counselling is important in order for effective counselling to take place. The consultation is an opportunity to get a sense of if I am someone you feel you will be able to trust and work alongside you in your journey. How do I know if I need counselling? Only you will know if you are in a position to be ready to talk to someone. If you are unsure, there is no pressure or obligation to do anything past a consultation. Talking to someone in a confidential way can make all the difference to how you are feeling. ​ Check out my blog post on 'Reasons to have Counselling' for more info. How does remote counselling work? Many people aren't able to access face-to-face counselling and so remote counselling is becoming more popular and accessible. This will still allow you to explore what's going on for you but from anywhere you may be based. ​ I have a confidential space set out so that our conversation will remain safe. I would ask for you to be able to set aside the time to also be in a quiet space where you feel comfortable. I offer sessions via Zoom or phone call, we will agree to a format for the consultation. If this needed to change we can do so as & when needed. How often will we meet? For ongoing therapy we will aim to meet weekly on a set day/time. For counselling relationships to be effective an element of consistency is needed and so once weekly when starting sessions is important. ​ I do though acknowledge that life isn't as straight forward as this so I do try and offer flexibility with the time/day of sessions if this needs to be altered occasionally. What is your confidentiality policy? I agree to keep everything we discuss together in the sessions confidential. There are a few exceptions where I may need to break confidentiality as outlined below: If you are deemed to be at an immediate risk of harming yourself or others then I will have to break confidentiality by contacting the relevant services; though I will always try to discuss this with you first. Other reasons for breaking confidentiality are a) If terrorism related information is disclosed, b) if required by a court case, c) if there are serious concerns regarding a child’s safety. Please check the NCPS Safeguarding policy for more information, here. As a member of the NCPS, I am required to have regular supervision and will need to discuss my work with a supervisor on a regular basis. However, I will not disclose anything that would enable you to be identified. Supervision sessions are to allow me to gain support and guidance in my work and also to check that I am working ethically and competently. Why do we need a "counselling contract" This is an agreement set out that we will both follow in order to boundary our relationship in a professional way i.e. the contract is there to keep us both safe. I also add detail in there so that it can be referred back to later at any point in relation to confidentiality, late sessions, cancellations, complaints, contact outside of sessions etc. I go through this with you in our consultation so if there's anything you're unsure of or don't feel comfortable with, we can talk it through and look at how it can work for us if we choose to work together. How much is a session? For ongoing counselling sessions my fee is £60 (50 minute sessions) The initial consultation of 45 minutes will be £30 ​​ I am willing to look at lower fees if you feel you are unable to afford these prices. We will talk about what is affordable for you in the consultation and agree on a collaborative fee. ​ Want to book in? Check out my availability here. How soon can we start? If you are ready to book in a consultation with me you can do so below (If you are unable to book or have further questions, please do email me or Whatsapp me): Can you invoice me for sessions? We will talk about payment options in our consultation, but yes for some clients I do invoice for the sessions attended at the end of each month, whereas other clients prefer to pay weekly. My payment options and fees are done on a case by case basis through our consultation conversation. I do only have a few low cost sessions available so please let me know if this is something you are interested in. If I don't receive payment according to our agreed schedule then we will not have further sessions until this has been received. What is email therapy? Email therapy is a written text based version of therapy. We still have a set time and day in which we will converse but the emails are delayed to allow for reflection and processing between sending. Email therapy still has boundaries with a word limit, set time to send emails by, and therapy contracting. but it does have more flexibility to take time in when you reply which can be useful for people with chronic illnesses or unpredictable schedules. As well as that it can offer some relief on those who feel they have to present in certain ways such as gender expression as there isn't a physical or vocal element in email therapy. Is email therapy secure? Yes. We will use ProtonMail to send emails to each other. This will mean you need to set up your own email account with them if you don't already have one. ProtonMail means that emails will be end-to-end encrypted to allow for security. As part of my email therapy guide it will talk you through how to set this up. How much is email therapy? As email therapy is still therapy it is still a £60 guide fee on sessions, where low cost can be discussed. How do I start email therapy? I still ask you to attend a consultation with me for £30 via video or phone. I am happy for you to turn off your camera and mic if this feels more comfortable to use the chat function instead. The consultation is to allow both of us to assess our suitability to work together as well as the medium in which the work takes. You can book in with me here: Mememotions Wheel | Emily Duffy Therapy The "Mememotions Wheel" The emotions wheel was originally created by Robert Plutchik as a tool to label the emotions we are feeling and be able to verbalise them. ​ For my adaptation of the emotions wheel, labelled 'The Mememotions Wheel'; I have used (with permission) an emotions wheel in my background, which is owned and where full credit goes to Geoffrey Roberts. It has been adapted to be interactive with clickable memes for each emotion. All copyright of the images used in the "Mememotions Wheel" belong to the original owners. The application above was created using the genially app. This use is non-profit. All efforts have been made to find the original owner for permission. Where the owner hasn't been located, credit is listed below from where I've found each meme. If you are the owner of the meme and you'd like credit or for the image to be removed please do email me at info@emilyduffytherapy.co.uk Emotions Wheel Background - all credits to Geoffrey Roberts - image here: https://imgur.com/tCWChf6 Going anticlockwise on each section, inside to outside : Images under 'Bad' section: Bad - http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3qs18t (original art from 'Futurama') Bored - https://welovecatsandkittens.com/cat-pictures/kitty-love-19th-january-2015/ Busy - https://twitter.com/tartecosmetics/status/993151027464548353 Stressed - https://mobile.twitter.com/itspushpush/status/1617302627871780864 & https://twitter.com/danidonovan/status/1151244706308866049 Tired - https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/lkms2x/i_mean_im_always_tired/ Indifferent- https://www.emilyduffytherapy.co.uk/mememotions-wheel Apathetic - https://www.quotemaster.org/Apathy Pressured - https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/eb9qiy/the_pressure_is_real/ (Original image from 'Airplane' film) Rushed - https://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/a-mega-dump-of-54-rad-and-random-images/85682986/ (original artwork from SpongeBob) Overwhelmed - https://www.instagram.com/p/CEBckNzB38R/ More of Worry Lines found here - https://www.worrylines.net/ Out of Control - https://www.instagram.com/p/9JrmOCPCGr/ (Original image found here - https://cowboylifestylenetwork.com/new-york-city-bans-mutton-busting-at-professional-bull-riders-event/) Sleepy - https://filmora.wondershare.com/meme/cute-meme.html Unfocused - https://www.reddit.com/r/adhdmeme/comments/r6pjqr/people_always_try_to_give_me_caffeine_when_im/ (original image from 'SpongeBob') ​ Images under 'Surprised' section: Surprised - https://memesfeel.com/shocked-meme/ Startled - https://memebase.cheezburger.com/tag/water/page/3 Confused - https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/djmyaf/math_is_short_for_mathew/ Amazed - https://imgflip.com/meme/54769654/OMG Excited - https://imgflip.com/tag/excited?sort=latest&after=33p3oa Shocked - https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=427360051419609 Dismay - https://memegine.com/m/meirl-ikkhov/when-you-carry-your-pet-into-y Disillusioned - https://sarahcandersen.com/ Perplexed - https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/260716265898255635/? Astonished - https://imgflip.com/i/30k5k5 Awe = https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/amazed-face Eager -https://imgflip.com/meme/36691190/eager Energised - https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/when-the-caffeine-kicks-in-caffeine-energy-energized-energetic-gif-17039530 Images under 'Happy' section: Happy - https://www.happierhuman.com/happy-memes/ Playful - https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/2457501-wholesome-memes Content - https://www.happierhuman.com/happy-memes/ Interested - https://ahseeit.com/?qa=55525/crossfit-or-croissants-meme Proud - https://www.memedroid.com/memes/detail/3230694/Im-so-proud Accepted - https://imgflip.com/tag/happy%20baby?sort=latest Powerful - http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/6w3h Trusting - https://memegine.com/m/dankmemes-kp8ooy/trusting-my-real-live-friend-t Optimistic - https://me.me/i/when-youre-feeling-optimistic-about-the-new-year-because-what-20322776 & https://imgflip.com/tag/optimistic+about+the+future?sort=top-2021-04 Aroused - https://memegenerator.net/Toby-Maguire-Troll-Face Cheeky - https://www.digitalmomblog.com/funny-work-memes/ Free - http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3ofsx4 Joyful - https://www.memedroid.com/memes/detail/3210802/Pure-Joy Curiosity - https://imgflip.com/m/cats/tag/curiosity+killed+the+cat Inquisitive - https://imgflip.com/i/td7ad & https://memesbams.com/willy-wonka-meme/ Success - ranker.com/list/the-very-best-of-the-success-kid-meme/kel-varnsen Confidence - https://memebase.cheezburger.com/tag/confidence & https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/ip1cwc/confidence_is_key/ Respected - https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/2004262-wholesome-memes Valued - https://me.me/i/whoa-this-vr-is-so-realistic-you-are-valued-20281179 Courageous - https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/493214596668811411/ Creative - https://makeameme.org/meme/when-im-creative Loving - https://www.legit.ng/1389729-50-love-memes-occasion-send-significant-other.html Thankful - https://www.calicamp.com/blog/2020/11/24/games-of-gratitude Sensitive - https://memegine.com/m/wholesomememes-gafi0j/so-weak-and-vulnerable-lets Intimate - https://ifunny.co/picture/chad-ilovesmokingmid-we-think-we-want-sex-it-s-not-6NC4ZG2x7 (https://www.instagram.com/ilovesmokingmid/) Hopeful - https://br.ifunny.co/picture/robin-mccauley-lynch-saw-a-couple-holding-hands-while-jogging-G1jD0gBI9 (https://twitter.com/robinmccauley/status/441264341887623169) Inspired - https://blog.yellowoctopus.com.au/inspirational-memes/ ​ Images under 'Sad' section: Sad - https://imgflip.com/i/4istfc & https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1518406-therapist-no Lonely - https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/c947h8/love_being_lonely_in_this_situation/ Vulnerable - https://twitter.com/yeahitschill/status/1031503411873808385 Despair - https://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/44-funny-pics-and-memes-to-waste-some-time-with/86251894/ Guilty - https://memegine.com/m/me_irl-t3dbcc/feel-guilty-for-not-studying-y Depressed - https://www.thehealthy.com/mental-health/depression/depression-memes/ & https://me.me/i/bernardo-canto-petcrierbonanza-therapist-and-what-do-we-say-when-9a153245748d477cb158430a15e7c077 (https://twitter.com/petcrierbonanza/status/1153140261469339649?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw) Hurt - https://www.memedroid.com/memes/detail/2288075/One-of-the-feelings-that-hurts-me Isolated - https://memes.com/blog/feeling-alone-and-isolatedthese-hilarious-memes-are-for-you Abandoned - https://themighty.com/topic/mental-health/fear-of-abandonment-memes-bpd-borderline-personality-disorder/ Victimised - https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/mean-girls-regina-george-victimized-gif-21823571 Fragile - https://memegine.com/m/wholesomememes-7hz90s/when-youre-feeling-a-little-f Grief - https://gfycat.com/admirablesameasp-patrick Powerless - https://www.facebook.com/HarmonyMendozaWVTM13/photos/a.597863973569376/3051272144895201/ Ashamed - https://pin.it/2ymjojf Remorse - https://www.memedroid.com/memes/tag/remorse Empty - https://cheezburger.com/9045318144/hard-life Unseen - https://imgflip.com/i/425655 Disappointed - https://www.pinatafarm.com/p/4ea345fc-1998-464e-8d1f-485a8320639f Embarrassed - https://www.wired.co.uk/article/awkward-seal-meme ​ Images under 'Disgusted' section: Disgusted - https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/hyf5la/we_all_say_it_this_way_now/ Repelled - https://www.facebook.com/memes/photos/a.527860673898191/6350721618278705/?type=3 Awful - http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3pqe1p & https://themighty.com/topic/chronic-illness/chronic-illness-sick-of-being-sick-memes-funny/ Uncomfortable - https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1555821-awkward-look-monkey-puppet Disapproving - https://imgflip.com/tag/disapprove+meme Hesitant - https://imgflip.com/i/4r851n Horrified - https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/b0u2mu/i_must_be_horrified/ Detested - https://memegine.com/m/memes-mp758i/that-feeling-when-you-go-out-f Nauseated - https://www.mememaker.net/meme/when-someone-spams-and-does-it-again/ & http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3s0z7p Revolted - https://cheezburger.com/9082225664/disgusting-ketchup-water & https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/steve-carrell-disgusted-gross-washing-dishes-gif-3544483 Appalled - http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3pso6o Condemned - https://www.memedroid.com/memes/detail/2988656/everything-going-wrong Judgemental - https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/judgmental-volturi ​ Images under 'Angry' section: Angry - https://comicsandmemes.com/angry-girlfriend-memes/angry-girlfriend-memes-too-cute-angry/ Critical - http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/36dlxw Distant - https://ifunny.co/picture/me-when-i-suppress-all-the-anger-in-me-just-cu1UDScDA Frustrated - https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1564726-cringing-plankton-visible-frustration-plankton Aggressive - https://www.dreamsquote.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/im-mad-at-you-meme-Angry-Memes-For-Those-With-A-Lot-Of-So-Mad-Best-Funny-Pictures.jpg Mad - https://makeameme.org/meme/getting-mad Bitter - https://twitter.com/matt_obrien Humiliated - https://imgflip.com/i/61xg1n Let Down - https://cheezburger.com/9085204480/me-irl-let-down Dismissive - http://www.quickmeme.com/p/3vymf6 Sceptical - https://www.memedroid.com/memes/tag/sceptical Numb - https://imgflip.com/i/55qom5 Withdrawn - https://www.memedroid.com/memes/detail/2794579/Let-people-in Annoyed - https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/595741856949546899/ Infuriated - https://sayingimages.com/wp-content/uploads/angry-tantrum-memes.jpg Hostile - https://memegenerator.net/instance/59780164/xena-mad-i-am-a-delicate-feminine-flower Provoked - https://www.meme-arsenal.com/en/create/meme/2523176 Jealousy - https://images3.memedroid.com/images/UPLOADED608/634ab4dc1fad3.webp Furious - https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/rage-rage-fucking-rage-angry-upset-furious-gif-15134558 Violated - https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/535928424377185429/ Indignant - https://makeameme.org/meme/didnt-study-and Ridiculed - https://www.facebook.com/foreverhusky.org/posts/i-feel-like-im-being-mockedjustalittlehuskyforeverhuskymorethanjustahuskyrescue/2494146347329548/ Disrespected - https://makeameme.org/meme/that-look-you-kpa3au Resentful - https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/240342-forever-resentful-mother Betrayed - https://www.deviantart.com/startheinklingdraws/art/I-ve-been-betrayed-773384099 ​ Images under 'Fearful' section: Fearful - https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/comments/s3cdu1/saw_this_on_facebook_felt_the_holy_ghost_move/ Threatened - https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/192528952809794503/ & https://memegine.com/m/memes-ct6alg/me-clicking-my-pen-in-frustra Rejected - https://cheezburger.com/8453127936/forever-rejected Weak - https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/i-am-tired-ok-instagram-633ec4f25182f__700.jpg Insecure - https://cheezburger.com/9570076928/it-me Anxious - https://tweakindia.com/culture/discover/15-hilarious-memes-that-perfectly-explain-what-anxiety-feels-like/ Scared - https://www.designcult.org/2012/08 Exposed - https://medium.com/@taylorbratches/gaining-exposure-vs-feeling-exposed-the-contradiction-of-social-media-b2c47dcfe9d1 (https://www.instagram.com/baeisthenewbetch/?hl=en) Nervous - https://memebase.cheezburger.com/tag/nervous Persecuted - https://www.facebook.com/Cosycottagehomestead/photos/a.234374406922791/734597210233839/?type=3 Excluded - https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/f5mi81/friends_exclude_me_me/ Insignificant - https://imgur.com/gallery/SlKBKIv Worthless - https://imgflip.com/memegenerator/153452716/This-is-Worthless Inferior - http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3qe14w Inadequate - https://m.facebook.com/tradesmenmemes/posts/2651551235110984/?locale2=fr_FR Worried - https://runningforwellness.com/anxiety-memes/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=anxiety-memes Concerned - https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/unsettled-tom/photos/page/7 Frightened - https://memes.com/m/me-going-to-sleep-at-night-after-watching-a-scary-0m4w6D6Ag43 Helpless - https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/picture-memes-pfjcxl1v6-by-the_possum_priest_2017-1-comment--772437773571839428/ Signposts | Emily Duffy Therapy Signposting Signposting to other sites that have useful information & resources around LGBTQ+ , Non-Monogamy, Neurodivergence, Chronic Illness , and General Mental Health support. You can also check out my blog where I cover all of these topics too - here LGBTQ Non-monogamy Neurodivergence Chronic Illness LGBTQ+ Stonewall https://www.stonewall.org.uk/best-practice-toolkits-and-resources Galop https://galop.org.uk/resources-publications/ Gendered Intelligence https://genderedintelligence.co.uk/ LGBT Foundation https://lgbt.foundation/ Switchboard https://switchboard.lgbt/ Non-monogamy More than Two* https://www.morethantwo.com/polyglossary.html Normalizing non-monogamy https://www.normalizingnonmonogamy.com/ Loving without Boundaries https://lovingwithoutboundaries.com/ Poly Info http://polyinfo.org/ *There have been many come forward about abuse from Franklin Veaux co-author and site owner of More than Two. I chose to still include this site here as it is one of the biggest culminations of information and resources there is currently. Neurodivergence Neurodiversity Hub https://www.neurodiversityhub.org/resources Different Brains https://differentbrains.org/resources/ Mind Matters https://vetmindmatters.org/resources/neurodiversity-resource-hub/ Chronic Illness CISFA UK https://www.cisfauk.org/ Chronic Illness Inclusion https://chronicillnessinclusion.org.uk/ Inverness Psychology https://www.invernesspsychology.co.uk/chronic-illness CFS Self-Help - pacing http://www.cfsselfhelp.org/library/10-pacing General Mental Health Mind Org https://www.mind.org.uk/ Mental Health Foundation https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health NHS Mental Health https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/ Re-think https://www.rethink.org/ Shout https://giveusashout.org/get-help/resources/ General Mental Health View All Services (1) 45 Minute Consultation This is an online session via Google Meet. I do only work one-to-one and with residents of the UK currently so please bear this in mind when booking. Please note you can only see bookings for 3 weeks in advance. View All Programs (34) Feminism & Non-monogamy Course Feedback Our place in the world (Intersectionality) View All

Courses Courses to learn more about non-monogamy. The Beginners Guide is a 41 page walk through of non-monogamy and how to navigate relationships. This is for anyone to get a better understanding into relationship types and can be used as a taster for the CPD. There is a PDF download if preferred without becoming a site member and you can access a FREE 7 page summary PDF here. The CPD on working with non-monogamous clients goes into more detail on the different types of non-monogamy, stigmas and myths, intersectionality, themes in the work, and ways of working. Both courses are unlimited access and self paced. You will get access to any updates that are made automatically. They are made via Wix and require you to become a site member. Exploring Non-Monogamy: A beginners guide £10.00 View If you'd rather have a digital download PDF you can purchase this here: Add to Cart Working with non monogamous clients £60.00 or Spread out payments Join **Refunds will only be given if requested within 14 days of purchase and less than 50% of the course has been completed. Testimonials What Members Say: Working with Non-Monogamous Clients "Emily takes time to share both her lived experiences and her qualified approaches. I am confident having completed it that I am more informed and ready to apply my learning to client work straight away." - M

Welcome to my Blog. Subscribe to get new posts notifications Email: Join The Mailing List Thanks for subscribing! Featured Posts Emily Duffy Oct 10, 2023 11 min mental health What to expect from Therapy this post will explore what therapy is like in general, what to expect, and how this happens in my sessions. Emily Duffy Mar 20, 2023 7 min mental health How to cope with grief demystifying grief and what can happen for us in grief. Looking at peoples expectations on themselves and how they 'should' be coping. Emily Duffy Apr 5, 2022 13 min therapy Understanding ethical/consensual non-monogamous relationships This is about gaining an understanding of the different types of ENM relationships there are and supporting those who are curious. 1 2 All Posts mental health mental health disorder Language therapy Psychology loss stress relationship ENM Sexuality How to cope with Search Emily Duffy Apr 11 8 min A life with dogs: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly how to look after yourself when we are faced with the numerous challenges being a pet owner can bring and the impact this can have. Emily Duffy Feb 28 8 min How to cope with How to cope with Anxiety This guide to what anxiety is, how to understand it, cope with it, and manage it. Emily Duffy Oct 10, 2023 11 min mental health What to expect from Therapy this post will explore what therapy is like in general, what to expect, and how this happens in my sessions. Emily Duffy Aug 20, 2023 8 min mental health What is Pacing? Pacing is a process in understanding what your capacity is and working out a way to slow down so your capacity isn't overloaded. Emily Duffy Mar 20, 2023 7 min mental health How to cope with grief demystifying grief and what can happen for us in grief. Looking at peoples expectations on themselves and how they 'should' be coping. Emily Duffy Dec 31, 2022 9 min mental health Reflections of 2022 This time of year tends to provoke a spell of reflection in many of us; a way to take stock of what we've done, learned, & to look forward. 1 2 3 4 5

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If you can not see available times or have any questions before booking check out my FAQs or get in touch via the details below: Email me Whatsapp me Book a Consultation 45 Minute Consultation Zoom Session For UK residents only, to look at what you want out of therapy session... Read More 45 min 30 British pounds £30 Book Now